


Personal heater / A Dirkhal Fic

by the_Ladder_Scene



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_Ladder_Scene/pseuds/the_Ladder_Scene
Summary: For the first time ever, It's cold in texas. Luckily Hal produces more that enough heat for two.
Relationships: Auto-Responder | Lil Hal/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 32





	1. No one likes peach energy drinks (except roxy)

**Author's Note:**

> No smut this chapter just some teasing and a bit of background to some junk tbh.

Dirk P.O.V 

It's cold. I'm stating the obvious here but it's the truth. This winter is the coldest it's been in YEARS. It's about 20 Fahrenheit (-6 Celsius) on a GOOD day. Apparently I'm the only one with these issues though, both Jake and Roxy say it's blisteringly hot where they are. I'm hoping it snows at some point, because I've never seen snow before, but up to now it's just been raining and occasionally hailing. The constant drum on my roof of rain would almost be relaxing if Hal would shut up about it. Speaking of the devil...

"Yo dude what's good?" Hal asks, sauntering into the room. 

I assembled a physical body for Hal a few months back, and I regret every minute of it. He looks like me, minus the freckles. He's taller than me, standing at about 5'9, to my 5'2. His 'skin' is ghostly white with red wires running underneath serving as veins. His hair is identical to mine however. He wears a sleeveless skin-tight turtleneck with gloves that run just shy of his shoulders. If he wasn't a clone of 13 year old me, I'd almost think he was hot. Almost. 

"Nothing much bro." I reply nonchalantly  
“Sweet” He nods and walks to the fridge and grabs an orange soda.  
Did I forget to mention that he can *somewhat* consume food? ‘Cus yeah, there's that too. He walks over to the couch where I'm currently wrapped up in 3 blankets.  
“Dude it’s not that cold in here, the blankets are unnecessary.”  
“You forget that you put out around 80 degrees (fahrenheit,30 celsius) so that your circuits don’t freeze up.” I snap back at him.  
He’s being an idiot and he knows it, the bastard. I know for a fact that he’s aware of both the actual temperature in here AND the fact he put out more ‘body’ heat than I do. He knows all this and still chooses to be a huge dick to me. Douche. 

Hal takes a seat beside me on the couch and I can feel the heat radiating off him straight away.  
“So, bit chilly huh?” He quipped.  
“No shit sherlock, It’s bloody freezing in here and you know it.” I reply pointedly.  
“Woah, woah, chill out there dude,” Hal says as he scoots closer to me, “you said I put out a shitload of heat so why don’t you just sit closer to me?”  
“I…” I begin, “you know what? Fine. Fine! I’ll sit next to you, since that's what you so clearly are begging for.”  
“I’m not begging for it, I just…” Hal starts.  
“Dude chill. I know what you meant, just shut up and move your ass over here before you blurt out anymore shit.”  
Hal promptly shuts up and moves over and sits next to me, he then scoots even closer to me. I’m now practically sitting on his lap. It’s a bit awkward and WAY too intimate for my liking but he is putting out an assload of heat so I’ll let it slide for now. Hal’s arm is around me now and I would be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate the extra warmth. He’s blushing now, well, blushing as much as an android can I guess.  
“Why are you blushing?” I ask.  
“I’m not blushing?” Hal asks, evidently confused.  
“Bro you totally are,” I lean on him and put my head on his shoulder and move his arm around me, “I don’t mind though…”  
Hal is sitting stiff as a board, as if he’s unsure if he’s allowed to relax.  
“Dude are you gonna relax or have you got a stick up your ass?” I jokingly ask.  
“Hmph “ He sighs and finally relaxes into me.  
We sit like this for a while as Hal finishes his orange soda. I eventually fall asleep.  
I wake up with Hal’s face barely an inch from my own.  
“Bro what in the actual shit fuck are you doing.” I deadpan.  
“Just checking your vitals…” He replies nervously.  
An obvious lie.  
“Bro.” I deadpan again, “That is the shittiest lie I’ve heard since roxy said she’s not always piss drunk.”  
“I...well...umm...I just…” Hal stutters.  
“Bro if you want to makeout with me, you should just stop being a bitch about it.”  
I lean over and press my lips against his and wrap my arms around his neck. Hal leans into me and deepens the kiss, leaning his full body weight into me, forcing me to lay back. I suddenly regret making him so much taller, stronger and heavier than me. Fuck, now he’s fully on top of me. Great. Part of me wants to give in to him and stay here, but the stronger, more prideful side of me isn't giving in that easily. I slide my knee up under me and roll over with all my strength, successfully dumping Hal on the floor with me on top of him. I smirk at him and stand up and fix my hair.  
“Don’t think you can win me over that easily.” I huff at him.  
“Didn’t even dream of it,” He winks, “I am you after all. I know how you think. Don’t forget that.”  
Hal winks again and gets up and walks to the fridge for another orange soda. I blush furiously as I realize what that statement implies. Hal knows what I’m thinking for a vast majority of the time. Great. The pettier side of me takes over as I realize something else. I’ve got to surprise him somehow. Even if it’s just to prove that I’m better than him. Now, how to surprise someone who supposedly knows your every move? Be spontaneous. Whatever I do, it needs to surprise me. I need to surprise myself. Be bold. Be weird. Be sexy? Be… Jake. I quite literally just described one Jake english. While I was monologuing, Hal returned from the kitchen with both an orange soda and an energy drink? He knows if he drinks that crap, he won’t be able to ‘sleep’ properly though.  
“Bro you know your ass can’t handle energy drinks right? Not even the piss weak ones.” I say as I sit back down on the couch.  
“Yes I’m perfectly aware of that thanks. That’s why it’s for you, dumbass.” He replies nonchalantly. Hal then throws the can directly at my head. The asshole. I catch it, of course, and promptly open it and take a sip.  
“Bro, peach? Really?” I ask.  
“That’s what you get for dumping me on the floor before.” He shrugs  
“I only did it ‘cus you forced yourself on me.” I spit before standing up to go get a better flavour of energy drink, one that wouldn’t be better accustomed to roxy’s tastes.  
“FORCED myself on you?” Hal asks incredulously.  
He walks towards me, slowly, like a predator stalking its prey. I’m not sure where he’s going with this but I ready myself to flashstep out of the room just in case. He’s still walking closer, forcing me to walk backwards towards the wall. I realise just too late what his endgame is, as he swiftly uses his superior physique to push me against the wall and grabs my wrists and forces them above my head. Hal leans his face down closer to mine. Shit, I regret making him so damn tall.  
“You know damn well you are LOVING everything I’m doing.” He growls in my ear.  
And damn, if he isn’t right. He moves his mouth closer to mine, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He suddenly jerks his head downwards and places his lips right on the scar on my neck. Fuck fuck fuck. He knows I’m sensitive there.  
“SHIT!” I cry out as Hal suddenly bites down, hard. Hal then stands up properly, looking down at me. He smirks at me, the asshole. I realise that because he’s holding my hands above my head, I can’t flashstep and he knows it. I am truly at his mercy. I realise the face I must be making as hal speaks again.  
“Look who’s begging for it now.”  
I say nothing, and avoid direct eye contact. He lets go of my hands and backs away with a smirk and a pleased huff. He turns around and walks back to the couch and sits down on the arm of the couch.  
“You should probably take a shower dude.” Hal says off-handedly.  
“Umm?” I ask as I regain my cool.  
“First of all, to deal with the,” He looks me up and down, “Uhh, the situation you’ve got going there.”  
I quickly realise what he means. Boner town, population, dirk strider.  
“I…” I start before hal interrupts.  
“ALSO, you stink.” Hal smiles before taking a sip of his, presumably, now flat orange soda.  
“You know what?” I glare at him,”Fuck you.”  
And with that I turn on my heel and walk to the bathroom, casually dropping clothes as I go.


	2. Hal's shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk what to put here soz. but no smut again soz

Dirk P.O.V

I step out of the shower after about 2 hours. What can I say, I take notoriously long showers. I mean, who wouldn’t when you have an unlimited amount of water from the ocean. I wrap myself in a towel and walk to my room across the hall. I step into my room and shut the door. Letting out a sigh, I drop my towel.   
“Nice ass.”   
I jump and spin around. Hal is sitting on my bed with a smug grin on his face. I blush furiously and pick up my towel and walk over to my wardrobe.   
“Dude I don’t get why you’re embarrassed, we are technically the same person after all.” Hal stands up and walks towards me, so that he’s directly behind me. “Aren’t we?” And with that he puts his hands on my waist, sending shivers up my spine.   
“Bro let me get dressed.” I almost plead.   
Hal pauses for a second and takes his hands off of me. I sigh in mock relief.   
“Fine,” He walks to the door “But you owe me.” He walks out of the room.   
I owe him? Owe him what? Me? So many thoughts run through my head as I get dressed. 

I pull on a random hoodie I found on the floor and walk out to the living room where Hal is. He takes one look at me and then back to his computer.   
“Wearing my hoodie I see, you really are needy huh?”   
I look down and realise he’s right, I am wearing one of his hoodies in his signature dark red.   
“It was on the floor so it’s fair game bro.” I refute.   
“Still, I know for a fact that your hoodies are also on the floor dude.” Hal remarks.   
“Bro let it go, it’s just a hoodie for god's sake.”   
“Ok whatever, just don’t stain it.” He drops the subject almost as fast as he brought it up.   
I realise that he’s been avoiding looking at me since that first glance. Weird. Wait, on second thought…   
“You’re getting off to me wearing your clothes aren’t you!” I gasp.   
Hal stays silent. I take that as a yes. I suddenly have an idea.   
“Wait your gay ass here, I’ll be back in a sec.” I yell behind me as I sprint to hal’s room.   
“Dude what the hell are you doing?” Hal yells back as he runs after me.   
He’s way faster than me, but I had an advantageous head start.   
“You’ll see!” I yell just as I slam the door to his room and lock it.   
Hal bangs on the door. And tries semi-desperately to open it.   
“You better not fuck with my stuff dude!”   
I go straight to his closet and start digging through it with little to no thought about the mess I’m making. I keep digging until I find what I’m looking for. Found it. One of hal’s spare cut-away turtlenecks and a pair of his black skinny jeans. (Jeez what an emo).   
“Ok whatever, I give up. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” Hal sighs and walks away.   
Great, this buys me some time. I quickly strip off my own clothes and put on hal’s. I tuck the turtleneck into the jeans, and cuff the jeans because hal is way taller than me so the clothes aren’t a perfect fit. I then unlock hal’s door and sprint across the hall to the bathroom. I take a good look at my reflection. Luckily, both myself and hal are approximately the same body shape, so the clothes fit like a glove. I decide in a split second to put on eyeliner. Thank god roxy left some here the last time she slept over. 

I walk out of the bathroom and into the hall. Taking a deep breath, I head out into the kitchen. My eyes scan the room and find Hal sitting on the bench, his back towards me. No doubt he knows I’m standing here, he is practically omniscient, being an ai and all.   
“Hey.” I start.   
Hal responds with silence. I start to wonder if I judged his thought wrong? My doubtful train of thought is cut off by Hal turning around to face me. He wolf-whistles at me.   
“Well what do we have here?” He asks, standing up and removing his shades.   
He walks over to me and leans down so our eyes are level.   
“Hmm..” He hums, “Not bad strider, not bad at all.”   
His eyes scour my body, like a predator eyeing up it’s prey. I suddenly feel naked under his gaze. His hand snakes around my waist, pulling me in closer.   
“Enjoying yourself Hal?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.   
“Oh you have NO idea.” He smirks and leans closer to me.   
Just as I’m about to reply with a witty remark, He smashes his lips on mine, forcing me back a step to stop me from falling over under his weight. Hal is already there though, with his leg out behind me, pushing me back towards the wall. If I let him pin me against the wall, I’ll have no choice other than to adhere to what he says and does, which means that I have a couple seconds to decide whether to flashstep out or not. 7,6,5,4,3. I flashstep out of reach and jump up onto the kitchen bench where Hal was sitting a few moments ago.   
“Surprise, I’m harder than that to catch.” I say with a wink.   
Hal takes .2 of a second to reach the bench and pin me between his arms. Damn forgot he could do that.   
I sit down properly on the bench and hal takes no time to put himself between my legs, essentially stopping me from flashstepping again. Fuck. Ok, so maybe this isn’t so bad actually. Hal’s mouth is on my neck, biting, sucking, leaving a trail of hickies down to my collar bone. His hands run up my back, pulling my shirt off with them.   
“Ahhh...Hal…” I moan out, embarrassingly loud, although at this point in time, I couldn’t care less about how loud I’m being.   
“God you’re such a needy bitch.” Hal growls in my ear, turning me on even more.   
He once again bites down on my scar, eliciting a breathy moan from me. His hands grab my hips roughly and force me closer to him. Our bodies are now flush from hip to sternum. I wrap my arms around the back of hal’s neck and snake one hand into his hair, pulling him down closer to me. He smirks against my mouth.   
“Looks like you’re not the only one thats not easy to catch.” he says as he backs away from me, forcing me to let go.   
“Dude..” I huff out, “what the actual fuck.”  
“Payback for earlier.” He winks at me and turns to go walk down the hallway. “I’m going to take a shower.”  
I watch him walk down the hall and into the bathroom. As soon as I hear the door lock I let out a sigh. I should probably do something to take my mind off… that.


	3. Pizza and a glass of water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk makes pizza and Hal is a dumbass (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut this chapter soz, but definitely next chapter. also next chapter will be longer and yeah <3

Dirk POV 

I get off the kitchen bench and walk down to my room to grab a hoodie, it was still below freezing after all. I grab Hal's hoodie that I discarded before and throw it on top of Hal's clothes that I’m still wearing. Letting out a sigh, I walk back out to the kitchen. The sky outside is dark now, not that it indicates much more than it being later than about 4pm, with it being winter the sky gets darker earlier. I decide to check the time.   
“Holy shit it's 7?!” I exclaim in shock.   
Damn I have to make dinner I guess because Hal is taking his sweet time in the shower. Me cooking dinner is never a good idea though. I’m a complete mess in the kitchen, I could barely cook two minute noodles to save my life. Hal’s the cooks around here but as he’s in the shower, I guess I’ll have to make do. I could call jane or john and ask them how to cook but I really can’t be bothered calling them. Plus, Jane's probably with Roxy and John's most likely with Dave right now. I used to make pizza a lot before I made Hal a physical body so I guess I’ll go with that. 

I take out the ingredients I need, plus a pizza base I’ve been keeping in the deep freeze, just in case.   
Chucking the pizza base in the microwave, I zap it until it's defrosted. I grab the pizza sauce and spread a generous amount on. At that moment Hal walks in, wearing a sweater and a pair of baggy black sweatpants. He jumps up onto the kitchen bench beside me and leans back a bit.   
“Whatcha making.”  
“Pizza.” I say as I dump a handful of cheese onto the saucy base.   
“Neato.” He replies. He then jumps down from the bench and walks across to the fridge. “Want a drink while you work?” Hal asks.   
I think about it for a second.   
“Yeah sure, whatcha got?” I ask, my southern twang becoming more prevalent with every word.   
“Pepsi or cola,” Hal pauses for a second, “Or pink energy drinks.”   
“Definitely pepsi.”   
Hal grabs two pepsis and walks back over to where I am. He places the drink behind the pizza, leaning over me to do so. As he leans into me, I can feel his weight push into me and… a hard-on?   
I tense up slightly and process what the actual hell is going on right now. He’s doing this on purpose definitely. Hal notices my face and starts hysterically laughing.   
“Dude what in the actual fuck is so funny?” I demand.   
“Your...Face..” He replies in between wheezes.  
“What face did you think I’d make when you rubbed your boner against my ass?”  
“That's...exactly...it” He’s still trying not very hard not to laugh.   
“What’s it?”  
Hal reaches into his pants and pulls out…   
A salami??   
“Can’t have salami without pizza!” He yells then falls to the ground in hysterics.   
“Oh my god.” I roll my eyes up to the heavens, “Dude, Bro.”  
Turning back to the pizza, I can feel my face heating up more, damn he really got me good with that one.   
Personally, I like pineapple on my pizza, though I know Hal doesn’t so I’m sure to put extra pineapple on just to spite him after that trick he just pulled. Because damn if he doesn’t deserve it.  
With the pizza now being in the oven, I walk back to the living room, around a still hysterically laughing Hal, taking the pepsi with me as I go. 

The smell of baked bread and cheese signifies the pizza being done. Grabbing it out of the oven and placing the hot pizza on the dining table I yell,   
“HAL, DINNER’S DONE.”   
Hal gets off the floor from when he was laughing and treads over to the dining table.   
“You done laughing at me?” I ask patiently.   
“Yeah, for now at least.”   
We eat dinner in silence, with the occasional low hum coming from hal’s circuits.   
I leave the dishes on the table and check the time.   
“Bro it’s 11:30, you gonna sleep or charge tonight?” I ask hal, breaking the silence between us.   
“I charged last night so I’ll sleep tonight.”  
I nod and let out a yawn.   
“Ok cool. Goodnight Hal.” I say as I turn on my heel and walk into my room.   
Shutting the door and switching off my light, I get into bed.   
I can hear Hal rustling around with clothes and then hear his light switch off and the creak of his bed. 

About an hour I realise I’m absolutely freezing. It must be well below freezing point now. I contemplate turning on my heater before realising that my heater is in fact broken. I’m alerted to hal’s presence in the next room by the humming of his motors. Judging but how loud the humming is, I’d say he’s still awake. I really don’t want to go in there for his heat output, ESPECIALLY after what went down today. However, there’s no way I can sleep in this temperature without getting frostbite. Letting out a sigh, I get out of bed and walk to hal’s room. I take in a deep breath and push open the door.   
“Hal?” I whisper-yell.   
“Yeah, Yeah, It’s cold and you can’t sleep. I get it. Just shut up and get in bed with me.” He says groggily.   
I feel my face heating up with a blush as I pad over to hal’s bed. As soon as I get in bed, an arm wraps around my waist and pulls me backwards. I let out an odd strangled yelp.   
“Dude chill, I just don’t want you to freeze.” Hal whispers.   
I let myself be pulled back into hal, he’s now pretty much spooning me and we’re flush from hips to sternums. With the amount of heat hal is putting off, I drift off to sleep in almost record time. 

I wake up at what I estimate is about 2am. Hal’s arm is slung around my waist loosely, telling me that he’s asleep. Damn, I could use a glass of water right about now. I start to move hal’s arm off me but I’m startled when he lets out a guttural growl. He’s protective of me even when he’s asleep? Cute. Wait, crap, why am I blushing? I find myself thinking about earlier, the incident in the kitchen, on the couch… Fuck! This is not the time to be getting a boner goddamn it! I can feel a set of eyes boring into my back as I realise, oh shit, hal’s awake. Damn younger me for giving him motion sensors.   
“Dude why are you up?” He asks hoarsely.   
“I...I was uhhh, just going to get a glass of water.” I stutter out.   
“A’ight.” He says lifting his arm off me.  
I move to get out of bed and only realise I’m still sporting a very obvious hard-on as I fling the sheets back. My hands fly to cover it but only too late as Hal’s hands catch both of my wrists.   
“Explain.” He grips my wrists tighter.   
“I… ummm.” I let out a sigh.”You growled in your sleep and then I got to thinking about earlier and I just…”   
Hal interrupts “Shut up already.”  
With that he pulls me down on top of him, effectively into his lap and traps both of my wrists behind the small of my back with just one of his hands. He leans into me and whispers into my ear.   
“I know you want me and I don’t give a shit about how morally wrong this is,” He leans in impossibly closer, pushing our bodies together, “I’m going to fuck you like there’s no tomorrow, untill you can only moan out my name.”


	4. update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> authors note

Hi,  
unfortunately this is the end of this fic due to me being a dumbass and A.) forgetting this exists and B.) i'm not too well off mentally.   
So i might continue this fic one day but i will be writing other fics in the mean time so if you enjoy my shitty writing abilities be sure to check out my other works!   
Goodbye,  
_Hal.s


End file.
